My complaint about Melvin Tapeworm

What would I do without Alvin Earthworm to provide me with a non-stop source of selfish, indelicate arguments to complain about? You see, I unquestionably believe that Alvin serves as a conduit that carries the élan vital of ageism. And because of that belief, I'm going to throw politeness and inoffensiveness to the winds. In this letter, I'm going to be as rude and crude as I know how, to reinforce the point that ancient Greek dramatists discerned a peculiar virtue in being tragic. Alvin would do well to realize that they never discerned any virtue in being hypersensitive. The "facts" he has often stated contain some serious distortions. Some are blatant; others are subtle. One of the most unsympathetic is his discussion of libidinous self-promoters.

Still, Alvin is obviously hiding something. It is no more complicated than that. He presents himself as a disinterested classicist lamenting the infusion of politically motivated methods of pedagogy and analysis into higher education. Alvin is eloquent in his denunciation of modern scholarship, claiming it favors what I call bleeding-heart quiddlers. And here we have the ultimate irony, because inasmuch as I disagree with Alvin's accusations and find his ad hominem attacks offensive, I am happy to meet Alvin's speech with more speech and, if necessary, continue this discussion until the truth shines.

For all of the foregoing reasons, I can confidently claim that we must fight scurrility and slander. Our children depend on that. How dare Alvin criticize my values when his are so obviously unprincipled? If he gets his way, none of us will be able to examine the warp and woof of Alvin's activities. Therefore, we must not let him waste hours and hours in fruitless conferences and meetings. The facts are in: Alvin Earthworm's ideals smack of nepotism.

P. S. This was made with a complaint generator, FUCK YOU.

My complaint about Melvin Tapeworm

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Melvin-Tapeworm 2007-11-26 22:55:55

^-^

Joeypwnsjoo 2007-11-26 22:55:55

awww....

Melvin-Tapeworm 2007-11-26 22:56:17

^____________^

Joeypwnsjoo 2007-11-26 22:56:17

gdsgseghesrdhdsrh

KillerClam 2007-11-27 19:00:06

Sexy picture is sexy

Joeypwnsjoo 2007-11-27 19:00:06

Who doesn't like to fap to the wiggles.

goatseluva 2007-11-28 23:07:16

alvin earthworm has a poopy butt

Joeypwnsjoo 2007-11-28 23:07:16

His girlfriend is a fat gay transvestite.

Jake 2007-11-29 13:06:23

The Wiggles are my favorite.

Did you hear that Greg (yellow) quit?

Joeypwnsjoo 2007-11-29 13:06:23

Aww... :'(

CheezNapkin 2007-11-30 19:17:18

The nature and extent of our current national crisis, as well as its causes and cures, are the subject of intense political struggle. I offer this letter as a contribution to that struggle and debate in hopes of helping to take action. The rest of this letter is focused exclusively on Newgrounds, not because I harbor any ill-will towards it but because I welcome its comments. However, it needs to realize that it shouldn't crush the remaining vestiges of democracy throughout the world. That would be like asking a question at a news conference and, too angry and passionate to wait for the answer, exiting the auditorium before the response. Both of those actions burn Newgrounds's opponents at the stake. No matter how much talk and analysis occurs, Newgrounds's assistants contend that science is merely a tool invented by the current elite to maintain power. I say to them, "Prove it" -- not that they'll be able to, of course, but because if Newgrounds can overawe and befuddle a sufficient number of prominent individuals, then it will become virtually impossible for anyone to focus on the major economic, social, and political forces that provide the setting for the expression of an ignorant agenda. At first, Newgrounds just wanted to pass off all sorts of predatory and obviously bookish stuff on others as a so-called "inner experience". Then, it tried to bar people from partaking in activities that cannot be monitored and controlled. Who knows what it'll do next? Fortunately for us, the key to the answer is obvious: It has declared that it's staging a revolt against everyone who wants to acquire the input of a representative cross-section of the community in a non-threatening, inclusive environment. Newgrounds's revolting all right; the very sight of it turns my stomach. All kidding aside, if it bites me, I will honestly bite back. Okay, there's no reason for me to be self-deceiving, so I'll leave you with this concept: The choice we face as a nation is whether to run our country ourselves or let impractical control freaks run it for us.

Joeypwnsjoo 2007-11-30 19:17:18

HEY WADE I'M BUSTING ON YOUR WIFE!

To all readers: This is not a tickle-your-ears, politically correct letter. If you want to read something that's filled with rhetoric, read something else. If you want the truth, then read this letter. Let's start with my claim that some people think I'm exaggerating when I say that the account I have just given of Mrs. Wadelina Fulp's demands doubtlessly shows that her lalochezia is downright annoying. But I'm not exaggerating; if anything, I'm understating the situation. Once we have absorbed and understood Wadelina's inane wisecracks, it is our inescapable responsibility to do whatever is necessary to denounce Wadelina's attitudes. Whenever Wadelina tries to rule with an iron fist, so do what I call rummy perverts. Similarly, whenever she attempts to place nefarious, amoral louts at the head of a nationwide kakistocracy, demented wonks typically attempt the same. I do not seek to draw any causal scheme from these correlations. I mention them only because we must understand that in this case, the obvious solution is also the correct one. And we must formulate that understanding into as clear and cogent a message as possible. Because Mrs. Wadelina Fulp is so caught up in trying to saddle the economy with crippling debt, I'd like to conclude this letter by quoting to her the last line of R. M. Rilke's poem, "Archaic Torso of Apollo": "You must change your life."

Oh and one more thing, SHE'S FUCKING UGLY.